As the lights of my eyes gradually fade from the hours spent staring at soviet propaganda for my dissertation, my mind has painfully and slowly began to broaden in perspective. Not in the sense that I am going to be scouring the streets of Liverpool at night for enemies of the state and serving them up to Cameron and Clegg like a beautiful basket of muffins. Oh no. I mean that if all these films and posters were carefully crafted to serve the wider purpose of making Russian citizens believe unconditionally in their leader Stalin, what if the films and music of 2012 have a much broader sense of purpose? What if it is trying to warn humanity of the dangers ahead? What if we are inevitably helpless to the indoctrination of Bieber fever? What if our future does require the existence of Flo Rida? What if Ryan Gosling is our future King?

To answer thy wondrous questions I have turned to the medium of music videos in order to rip them apart Soviet style and see what there is to gain from these now essential nuggets of the music industry happy meal. First to go under the hammer and sickle is the brand new video for Madonna’s Give Me All Your Luvin. Her return to the music video world seems just as anticipated as the actual song itself….

Why the American Football theme you ask? That would be to coincide with her half time performance at the Superbowl spectacle last Sunday. Why is she appearing to rub a plastic doll into her cleavage at 1.46 you cry? I have no idea.

As with many of Madonna’s most recent videos, behind the glitz and glam there seems to be a secret collection of shots that have somehow interweaved with the primary theme of the video. The secret shots in this instance are displayed on a brick wall backdrop and appear to be the ongoing tests of what happens when you leave a Madge unattended under the fizzling heat of the spotlight. I like to call them “Madgic Moments”. The horrible two handed ‘wassup’ at 1.31, the already mentioned baby catcher at 1.46, the over-inviting thigh stance of 1.55 and the case of heebie jeebies at 3.13.

The video on the whole however seems to be an insight into what a trip to a club would look like under the influence of MDNA( her new album title, I’m not that corny). Emerging ‘Stars in their Eyes’ style from her home, Madonna is guided by an army of footballers across some troublesome golden puddles of doom. She is even elevated to walk across walls, just for when that walking on level ground business just gets a bit tedious. If that wasn’t enough Tommy gun protection is also provided. MDNA is the dream.

This video is also a possible indicator of the fears of the future. The emerging menace of torrential spark rain that has the power to tear cars in half but yet fails to scratch an umbrella. The use of male cheerleaders as noble steeds for M.I.A. and Nicki Minaj in the impending war of the sexes. Worst of all is the terrifying doll faced girls towards the end of the video that wouldn’t look out of place as a Doctor Who villain. The exorcist style head turn at 2.46 froze me to the core.

Overall, there is simply too much going on to comprehend in one viewing. Even as I write, I’m discovering new wonders that my little mind is struggling to handle. It might be said that this video is perhaps a little too much as it derails most of the viewers attention away from the actual song. With so many odd sights flashing before my eyes I simply went along for the ride regardless of what the song sounded like. It’s simply worth a watch however just to see the footballer head-shaped spotlights on the wall during Nicki Minajs’ verse though. Must. Have. Now.

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